i'm destined to work and work and work
without mercy

ALLAh.. ive been waiting for so long
too long that i think i cant move on
i need your warmth your love your mercy to cont living..

o lord, help me
reach me
i'm searching for u
in your endless bounty of love

this life has gone so far
and long
can i last
to live til the end..

my love
u know how i miss you
and how i hate to be occupied in this world
i;m living to serve others
should i be proud of it?

o my lord
im just s human being
with lots of weakness and eagerness
and wish and dreams
to live like others
and to have some time for worship

o lord
my dear ALLAH.. help me not to feel desperate in this life
for this is just a short journey
of life from the eternal life i will abode
but i fear myself
being reluctant and selfish
being in relentles fear
comparing self to others

forgive me my lord..
forgive me for the way i am..
i am just your servant
at the bounty of my lord.. proclaim..

hospital selayang
oncal labour room
1205am
31/1/08

missing something that is soo unreachable.. or perhaps impossible ..
reaching far to the twilight zone ..

with drops of hopes and glittering of dreams..
with heart imploring for forgiveness and lights ...

my lord...im just a human being.. spare me ..
my beloved.. i miss you.. i love you....................

my lord, help me and sustain me from hellfire ..

wattaquu fitnatal laa tusiibannal laziina zolamu minkum khosssshah..
wa'lamuuu anna ALLAHa shadeedul iqab.....................

silent sunlight welcome in..
laailaha illa ALLAH..

coz the world is not a box,
theres no lid, no doors no cardboard flaps or locks
we have to tip the lid and let some light in..

hemmm.... hemm...

fatiha

malam tadi straight oncal PAC
hantar ramai sungguh manusia nak bersalin tengah malam ke Labour room
dengar cite orang labour room bengang.. diorang panggil ana jonah
gelaran yang biasa utk orang2 yang hyperactive and keja keras menyusahkan orang lain
he he
imagine, malam semalam hantar 2 orang primid siap prem lafgi tu.. mane tak ngamuk si sangeeta and khairiina.. sorry guys , i wa s not sleeping the entire night as well..

assalamua'laykum

i'm now doing my second posting in O+G .. horrific in the first place.. i experienced what they called bully/ harrassment / exhaustion / in a nutshell ;; its an Ops- STATS!- Tricks and Guy-No- Core- Lure- Gee rotation
as hard and as difficult as its pronunciation

now i'm in the clinic.. gee.. how i love clinics !
but
after so many hectic times oncal/ works in the labour room, i felt al right..

fillah
dr fatiha

post call, oncall.. urgh
time to celebrate raya!
really?
doctors are NOT supposed to celebrate raya.
They just SUPPOSED to work
Unrelentless work
Non stopping

Stop bullying us you patients and people out there !
we are human being too
with feelings and limitations
why do you want to push us to our limits !

but i cdnt help to deliver my sympathy to those moms that are kicking hard to stay alive
or to the tears and hopings frm expecting fathers
that their fetuses ( im saying fetus because those babies are not alive as yet if they are still hanged to their placentas) still not born yet

one premature baby was born
after his mommy had a show and was experiencing hell lots of aches and pains

isk
i'm helping her
but who is helping me

ALLAH knows - as a said-

jzk

i'm in a new dept.. new faces.. new politics.. and hey new trend of bullying the houseman

dept of obstetrics & gynaecology
the amount of work / shame/ burden/ bulying is as much and as hard as its pronounciation

Wob- stats!- tricks-
guy- no- core- lure- gee

urgh
no raya for me this year..sperti dulu.. dan dulu dan dulu..
maybe i was not designed to celebrate raya.
ew..
stop bashing ppl .. its what that is fated for you..
and ramadhan./ my dear ramadhan will eventually leaves..
leaving me desperately searching for love.. and sakeenah from its blessful nites...
sleeping lonely in the pool of blood...
and bloody urine and liqour...
with my quran .. reading me instead of me reading it..
as tiredness and sleepiness gigantically impacting my capability to function as proper muslim