My scribbles

Thursday, November 29, 2007

malam tadi straight oncal PAC
hantar ramai sungguh manusia nak bersalin tengah malam ke Labour room
dengar cite orang labour room bengang.. diorang panggil ana jonah
gelaran yang biasa utk orang2 yang hyperactive and keja keras menyusahkan orang lain
he he
imagine, malam semalam hantar 2 orang primid siap prem lafgi tu.. mane tak ngamuk si sangeeta and khairiina.. sorry guys , i wa s not sleeping the entire night as well..

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

assalamua'laykum

i'm now doing my second posting in O+G .. horrific in the first place.. i experienced what they called bully/ harrassment / exhaustion / in a nutshell ;; its an Ops- STATS!- Tricks and Guy-No- Core- Lure- Gee rotation
as hard and as difficult as its pronunciation

now i'm in the clinic.. gee.. how i love clinics !
but
after so many hectic times oncal/ works in the labour room, i felt al right..

fillah
dr fatiha

Thursday, October 25, 2007

post call, oncall.. urgh
time to celebrate raya!
really?
doctors are NOT supposed to celebrate raya.
They just SUPPOSED to work
Unrelentless work
Non stopping

Stop bullying us you patients and people out there !
we are human being too
with feelings and limitations
why do you want to push us to our limits !

but i cdnt help to deliver my sympathy to those moms that are kicking hard to stay alive
or to the tears and hopings frm expecting fathers
that their fetuses ( im saying fetus because those babies are not alive as yet if they are still hanged to their placentas) still not born yet

one premature baby was born
after his mommy had a show and was experiencing hell lots of aches and pains

isk
i'm helping her
but who is helping me

ALLAH knows - as a said-

jzk

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

i'm in a new dept.. new faces.. new politics.. and hey new trend of bullying the houseman

dept of obstetrics & gynaecology
the amount of work / shame/ burden/ bulying is as much and as hard as its pronounciation

Wob- stats!- tricks-
guy- no- core- lure- gee

urgh
no raya for me this year..sperti dulu.. dan dulu dan dulu..
maybe i was not designed to celebrate raya.
ew..
stop bashing ppl .. its what that is fated for you..
and ramadhan./ my dear ramadhan will eventually leaves..
leaving me desperately searching for love.. and sakeenah from its blessful nites...
sleeping lonely in the pool of blood...
and bloody urine and liqour...
with my quran .. reading me instead of me reading it..
as tiredness and sleepiness gigantically impacting my capability to function as proper muslim

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Kecewa.
Mampukah segala kekecewaan ini diubati dalam ketenangan ramadhan?
Mengapa sukar utk menerima ketentuan ini ..adakah kerana sudah terlalu lama mengharap..
mungkin..
tapi a sendiri ada alasan.. sedia kukuh..
mampukah ku pujuk hati ini supaya tertebus duka lara di hati..

Tuhan, daku mencari ketenangan.. dan akan terus memburu kasih
meskipun sudah hampir tersungkur..
banyak kali mungkin tersungkur

support? ah, pedulikan itu semua. tiada jaminan yang sebenarnya. daku perlu berjalan sendiri. dn sendiri!

walaupun perit dan sakit dan pedih, apakan daya diriku hanya seorang manusia kerdil yang tidak mampu berbuat apa2
tidak mahu melawan takdir
kerana ia adalah suratan ilahi
sejak azali

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

post call today
pheew .. tiring .. but i met dr shafa and dr suraya in oncal room. bestlah sembang dengan k/shafa.. cam kakak2 lah akak2 ni.. kadang2 i nak tergelak when they called it 'bilik pegawai atas panggilan". cam atas awan. gege

nway. 1 post MVa, 2 UGI bleed, satu patietn ni, i thot she is a chinese, but tengok nama rahmah.. aiwah.. melayu rupanya. general condition is ill, GCS 6-7, mmg eyes not open upon call, unable to follow commands but respond with scream when i tapped her shoudler .. macam2 lah manusia ni.. btw, ramai pula manusia perlu CBD malam tadi. terpaksalah bermain urine from 4am till 6.30.

post call droowsiness. i'm actually in ward 4B, male ward

hey ramadhan is approaching .. alhamdulillah

ramadhan rahmat dari ilahi
banyakkan ibadah dan berdoa
hapuskan dosa tingkatkan pahala
-brothers-

ok tata

lurve fillah

Thursday, September 6, 2007

Ana memandang sekeliling. Terkesan. Sakit hati. Rindu.

At your forehead, it seems like it was labelled "Please Bully Me" specialist gendut Mr George mencebik. Tersirap darah ana. Kurang hajar. Sesekali mahu ana lepaskan kepalan penumbuk ke mukanya.dan mulutnya yang celupar itu. Tak pernah tahu bagaimana nak menghormati wanita agaknya. Lebih tepat, menghormati seorang muslimah yang punya harga diri dan tidak mahu diperalatkan mata lelaki.

Ana pusing ke belakang utk melarikan diri. Specialist gendut masih mencari pasal. Pada semua surgical team, dia menceritakan perihal dressing up ana yang kononnya 'out of date'.

You know, she was wearing this long black jubah, with a very long tudung. its not a usual tudung, its a very long one. And she walks in the ICU treating patients with that dress. I think the patients in ICU will have a heart attack after seeing her dressing that way.

What f, do you really dress like that?

Ana diam. Benci. Marah.

She really does. And she walks in the ICU with that dress. I dont know lah. i think f, you need a fashion designer. its a very bad fashion.

Bullshit. Ana mencebik dalam hati. Rasa marah meruap ruap. kupalingkan wajah ke tepi.

Malam itu mata ana bengkak menahan rasa. Tak boleh jadi ni. Ana tekan2 punat sms. mencari2 nama akak. Akak, is it ok for me to chat with you?

............musim berlalu bagai sungai mengalir, menuju ke arah muara.........ringtone berdering.
Segera diangkat panggilan akak.

Salam f, kenapa ni?

isk akak, ana kena buli. dengan specialist pulak tu.

takpe, apa yang dia buat.

dan ana pun menceritakan segala2nya dengan deruan air mata. Imagine, sepanjang ana di tanah asing Aust tak pernah sesekali manusia mengomel tentang dress up ni. Jubah n tudung labuh memang costume ana dari dulu sampai sekarang. dari kecil sampai besar. even ana sendiri merasakan seperti tidak memakai tudung sekiranya tudung labuh ku ini ku kecilkan atau di lilit2.. ah.. tak international sikit lah. tapi itu rutin ana. ana bahagia begini. biarpun mereka kata ana kolot. perlu image consultant. Kurang hajar!

its ok. You should report to Mr Jerald, your head of department about this. let teach them a lesson. Never mess with muslims!

keras suara akak memberi usul. Ana diam.

Menarik, tapi ana masih di department ni. kang takpasal2 kena extend.

takpelah, dah nak kuar nanti, reportlah. biar diorang tau jangan senang2 nak kritik cara orang. lebih2 lagi kita wanita muslim. bukan macam wanita2 kafir yang tak tau menjaga maruah diri tu. pakai baju seperti tak pakai baju.

Dalam deru air mata, ana merancang. Jzk akak. kerana sudi menadah perasaan ini.

to ALLAH i submit myself.
I spoke to my dad " waled, you're a bit debab"
my dearest waled reply .. taklah..
isay..deny lagi tuh.

today i take my day off. after everyday bekerja tanpa henti, tak hirau siang dan malam, pagi petang, ahad, sabtu, semua sama je.. i've lost count of my days. yesterday, i was oncalled with dr ridwan, he said thats the pain working in msia. mmg takkan ada cuti.

isk

i did several I+D yesterday. ( incision and drainage), punya lah ramai manusia kat msia ni yang ada bisul (abscess). diabetic lah katakan. dari pagi sampai 12mlm kitorang berdua buat I+D. Its the day of I+D yesterday., E yucks!

nasib baik takde laporotomy. kalau tak, penat lagi lah jawabnya.

to ALLAH i submit myself.

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Jom gi usrah. Lama tak dengar bite

skit lagi ramadhan menjelma lagi ! gege
alhamdulillah, moga dipanjangkan umur menempuh ramadhan! hayya bina

maas salamah
todays oncal is just nice. eventho i've oncalled for two days EOD
how i stumbled to get bloods from all 40 patients. the icu patient, burns, crying, whinging, pleading

do u really need to take my blood doctor?
i'm afraid i have to

isk

when the staff nurse inform me to put in branula for an eleven months old baby, i fringed
i tried and poked, the baby kicked and wriggled
calm down lil man, just a bit of a prick
alhamdulillah, got it in

and the live goes on..

manimaran , 34 year old indian male, came in with 85% second degree burn all over his trunk, limbs, buttock, genitals..
now where can i take his bloods?
femoral!
sorry uncle, poking

and there goes the scream again

duh!
i received a visit from someone who was still destined to be far away..
we havent talk to each other as yet..
maybe we are waiting for the rose of ukhuwah to bloom all by itself..naturally..insyALLAH..

let all those sweet marbles come into place when the time comes
surely only when ALLAH permits ...

Bicara kita adalah bicara sufi
tanpa suara dan kata-kata
kerana penghubung kita adalah suara hati
bertemu berpisah kerana ALLAH

fillah abadan abada
syukran jazeelan kathera
assalamua'laykum wrh wbth

i cdnt hardly imagine that i'm going to open up a blog again. I guess i just lurve writing and its hard to keep thoughts all by myself..

like one of the great scholars always says..
spread your thoughts away, dont be afraid to shout it out loud

to ALLAH i submit myself